Always Yesterday Read online

  Delanie thought of her own timeline with Eli. Yes, three months was enough time to know. Only she and Eli wouldn’t have a fairy-tale ending. There’d be no happily ever after. She doubted Courtney would have that experience either, even if she married the guy. They could never truly be one in the spiritual aspect. Blessing follows obedience, just as havoc often marks disobedience. She wished she could make Courtney see that principle.

  “So when’s the big day?” Delanie hoped Courtney would wait at least a year. She’d read it takes a full twelve months to begin to see each facet of a personality.

  “We’re talking spring, maybe April.”

  Delanie bit her lip. “You won’t have known him long, less than a year.”

  “True. About eight months, though, and when you’re in love, what does it matter?”

  Delanie considered giving her the whole list of reasons to wait but chose not to waste her breath.

  “Anyway.” Courtney laid her hand on Delanie’s arm. “Will you be my maid of honor?”

  Delanie smiled, touched that Courtney felt so close to her, and then panic hit her. Would it be wrong to stand up for her friend when she didn’t agree with her decision? Or did a true friend shut up and mind her own business?

  “You are my oldest and dearest friend.” Courtney must have assumed Delanie’s smile meant acceptance. “We’ve known each other since what?”

  “Third grade.”

  “And third grade was about twenty years ago. Over two-thirds of our lives.”

  Delanie nodded. Even way back when, Courtney never had a hair out of place and always had boys on her mind.

  “I never thought I’d be the first one of our group to marry!” Courtney was positively giddy. She stared at her ring. “Can you believe it, D? I’m getting married, and you’re going to be my maid of honor!”

  No, frankly, she couldn’t believe it. This was all happening way too fast, for Courtney and for her. She didn’t even know if she wanted the maid of honor position.

  “Now tell me about you and the detective fellow. Are you going to race me to the altar?”

  Had Courtney not heard a thing she’d said a few months ago? “I told you, I won’t date an unbeliever.” Delanie’s words sounded harsher than she’d intended.

  “Tad goes to church with me every Sunday.” Courtney refolded her napkin so the crease was exactly in the center.

  “You know that doesn’t make him a Christian. You’re still unequally yoked.” Delanie wished she were better at speaking the truth in love; for some reason she always ended up sounding self-righteous.

  “He’s not now, but he will be. You just watch and see.” Irritation wove itself through Courtney’s words.

  “I hope so—for your sake, I really do.”

  Jodi and Kristen joined them at the table, and Courtney went through the whole story all over again. Neither of them seemed thrilled either but tried to simulate excitement. Their mouths nearly fell open when Courtney announced Delanie would be her maid of honor. Then she asked them to be her two bridesmaids. They, too, agreed, though Delanie sensed the same uncertainty in them that she wrestled with.

  Jodi and Kristen returned to the table with their coffees in tow when Courtney rose. “Hey,” she said, glancing at her watch. “I’ve got to run. I’m having dinner with Tad.” She slipped her purse strap over her shoulder. “Thanks for being in my wedding. We’ll get together later and pick dresses and all that fun stuff.” She hugged each of them and was gone.

  Jodi and Kristen were both wide-eyed, mirroring what Delanie felt.

  “What just happened here?” Kristen frowned.

  Jodi shook her head. “Did Courtney, or did Courtney not, invite all of us to join her for dinner?”

  Delanie laughed. “Apparently Dr. Dreamboat must take precedence.”

  “They’re getting married.” Jodi’s tone sounded as if someone had died.

  “I know, and instead of rejoicing with her, we’re all saddened by her big announcement.” Delanie sipped her mocha.

  “What should we do?” Kristen asked.

  “I wish I knew.” Delanie let out a long sigh. “Last time we got together, I explained why it wasn’t a good idea and told her why I can’t let my attraction to Eli get out of hand.”

  “Speaking of. . .” Kristen raised her brow. “He is pretty cute, in a rugged-looking actor sort of way.”

  “You’ve seen him?” Jodi asked. Then her accusing glare settled on Delanie.

  “Kristen got some information for our case, so we grabbed a quick latte.”

  “So what does he look like?” Jodi quizzed Kristen.

  “Not Delanie’s type—that’s for sure.”

  “What is my type?”

  “Clean-cut, short hair, well dressed. Everything Eli isn’t.” Kristen recited the list Delanie once thought described her kind of man.

  “You make him sound like a bum off the street.” Her hackles rose.

  Jodi patted Delanie’s hand. “A little defensive, aren’t we?”

  “No, no.” Kristen held up her hand like a crossing guard. “I didn’t mean it to sound negative. The guy is very good-looking. His hair isn’t long like the hippie look, and he’s not toting a ponytail or anything, but it’s not that close-cropped look you usually go for—he’s sort of shaggy around the edges.”

  “Like Tom at church?” Jodi asked.

  “Exactly. And Eli isn’t clean-shaven either.” Kristen glanced at Delanie. “Not that that’s a bad thing.”

  “Another Delanie requirement, though,” Jodi reminded her. “Does he have a beard? Because you hate beards.”

  “No beard,” Kristen assured Jodi. “Just scruffy. You know that shaved-two-days-ago look?”

  “I would think kissing a guy like that could be rough on the face.” Jodi rubbed her fingers across her chin and waggled her eyebrows at Delanie.

  “You guys make me sound like a stern taskmaster. No wonder I’m still single at twenty-eight,” Delanie joked. Then she grew serious. “I’ve fallen in love with him.”

  “For real?” Kristen asked.

  “Wow.” Jodi’s brown eyes reflected a million questions.

  “Don’t worry. I’m not following in Courtney’s footsteps, but it happened nonetheless. One thing I’ve learned—it’s easy to have all the answers until you’re faced with the questions.”

  “What about him? What’s he feeling?” Jodi asked.

  Delanie smiled, and her heart responded, as it always did, with a warm feeling when she let her thoughts wander to Eli. “He’s gone from open hostility toward me to a cozy friendship. Sometimes when he looks at me, I see all the unnamed emotions I’m wrestling with, but he guards them closely, just as I do.”

  “This must be really hard. I’m so sad for you.”

  Jodi’s compassionate response brought unexpected tears. “Me, too.” Delanie dabbed at her eyes with her napkin. “I’ve waited my whole life for the moment I’d fall in love.” She could no longer stop the tears. “And my heart betrayed me, falling for a guy I can never have.”

  Jodi held one of Delanie’s hands and gave a little squeeze. “It’s breaking my heart to see you go through this.” Her eyes were teary, as well.

  “Do you think this is some kind of test? Kind of like Job. Maybe God’s saying, ‘I know Delanie will stand in obedience no matter what’s thrown her way.’ ” Kristen sniffed.

  Delanie dried her cheeks and smiled at her dearest friends in all the world. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just in the wrong place at the wrong time. But I’ll tell you what I do know—I know why my mom says Christians must be very careful about opening their hearts to non-Christians of the opposite sex. She calls it missionary dating and says it dangerous. For the first time I really understand why. The better I get to know Eli and the more I pray for him, the deeper my feelings run.”

  “Mother knows best,” Kristen quipped.

  “The sad thing is, for you, this whole trip down lovers’ lane has been completely innocen
t.” Jodi released her hand.

  “Yeah. It’s not like you chose to date a guy who you knew didn’t know God. Work has forced you two into this relationship.”

  “True. But it’s also opened my eyes to so much. It’s easy to be self-righteous when you’ve never faced the temptation. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: I would never fall in love with someone who didn’t love God as much as I do. Not only am I in love with Eli, but he doesn’t love God at all. As a matter of fact, he’s antagonistic toward Him.”

  “That’s got to be hard, especially since you have to be around him so much.” Kristen toyed with her empty cup.

  “I can’t imagine how difficult it is for women married to guys like him.” Delanie rubbed the back of her neck.

  “Nor can I envision how hard Courtney’s life could end up being. Why doesn’t she see it?” Kristen’s words were laced with discouragement.

  Delanie thought about Courtney’s situation. “I’m not sure any of us can see it when it’s our own sin.”

  “You’re probably right,” Kristen agreed. “But if it’s ever me, slap me upside the head, tie me in a closet, whatever it takes.”

  “Courtney’s mistake was saying yes to that first invitation.” Jodi looked from one to the other. “Temptation comes in just the right package whether it’s a man or whatever would float our boat.”

  “My mom always says anything that takes our eyes off God and steals our passion can turn into sin—no matter how good or innocent the thing is. If it controls us in any way, we’ll end up in trouble.” Delanie was only now beginning to appreciate her mother’s wisdom.

  “So what do we do about Courtney?” Kristen brought the conversation full circle.

  “I’m not sure there’s much we can do, except pray.” Delanie popped the lid off her empty cup and stuffed her napkin inside.

  “Why is it that prayer sometimes feels like a passive approach, when truly it’s the most aggressive approach?” Jodi tended to challenge their thinking at times. “Only God can change Courtney. We can talk until we lose our voices.”

  “That’s the truth. I’ve tried to get her to think and share with her my own struggles regarding Eli, but I believe she’s determined to have her own way. She’s convinced herself she can have the good doctor and God, too.”

  “And she can.” Jodi’s statement surprised Delanie. “But she’ll never experience the fullness God intended. I think it’ll be difficult to give her whole life to God when part of it will always be tugged in another direction.”

  “And it’ll be hard to give her whole self to her husband when he’s missing the spiritual component,” Kristen added.

  “I feel like I need to stop the impending disaster, but as we said, only God can.” Delanie shrugged her shoulders. “Let’s commit to pray daily for Courtney, for Tad’s salvation, and for wisdom to know if God would have us intervene in any way.”

  “And we’ll pray for you, too,” Jodi promised.

  “Yeah, you’re not out of the woods yet. Now let’s get dinner. I’m starved.” Kristen grinned.

  Delanie felt better having finally unloaded her struggles on her friends. She’d thought if she refrained from voicing the feelings blooming within, they’d dissipate. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. They were like weeds, growing bigger and stronger each day.

  ❧

  When Eli arrived at the youth center that evening, Delanie wasn’t there. Her brother said she’d taken the night off, and disappointment hit him square-on. The two reasons he came here were time with the guys and more time with Delanie—a fact he hadn’t acknowledged until now.

  Not in the mood to talk, he grabbed a basketball and headed out back to the court. Nobody was there—which suited him just fine. The chill in the air was his ally, keeping others inside.

  He shot the ball, missed it, chased it down—all the while his mind on Delanie. What should he do with these feelings clamoring around inside him? He’d never even expected to like her, let alone fall in love with her. In fact, he’d never planned to fall for anyone, not ever again. He knew women couldn’t be trusted in the long haul, but somehow he couldn’t quite believe that about Delanie. She was so different from anyone he’d ever known, so full of life and joy.

  Something was different about most of the Christian people he’d gotten to know here at the center. The place had a calmness and a peace he sensed whenever he was there, as did the people. No one was perfect, as most were quick to admit, but all seemed centered, selfless, and crazy about God. Their outlook on life seemed foreign to him yet appealing, as well.

  He dribbled the ball, pondering his unanswered questions. Were his decisions about women and God made too prematurely, before he had the answers? He shot and missed again, his focus gone. God, are You real? Is what I’m feeling for Delanie real? And are both of you worthy of my trust, or will it be another hard lesson in the letdowns of life?

  Chapter 10

  From your reports and surveillance observations, we all agree the attorney has to be George Benavides.” Sarge looked from Eli to Delanie and back again.

  Eli nodded. His cop’s instinct was certain.

  “We haven’t been able to get information from any of his clients, so it’s time to try a different tack and take a more aggressive stance. We’re sending Delanie in undercover.”

  Eli’s heart stopped beating for a split second. Fear clenched his gut. “You mean both of us, right?”

  Sarge shook his head. “I mean Delanie—alone. We’re hoping he’ll feel safer and less threatened by a single, desperate, pregnant female. Word has to have gotten back to him that we’re nosing around.”

  “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Eli didn’t care for the plan and certainly didn’t want Delanie put in any danger.

  Delanie sat up straighter. “You still doubt my abilities as a cop?” Her question held disbelief. “Come on, Eli. When are you going to believe I can handle myself out there?” She rose from the vinyl chair and walked to the window.

  “She’ll be wired. I’ll keep you as close as possible, only seconds away. We’re checking into the office one door down the hall. It appears to be vacant. We’ll have several officers in the building, ready to respond, should the need arise.”

  Eli nodded. He knew he was overreacting, but Delanie mattered to him—too much. Definitely much more than a partner should.

  The phone rang. Sarge answered, then excused himself momentarily, leaving them alone.

  Delanie glared at him from her spot by the window, arms crossed over her chest. “I can’t believe after working together almost four months we’re back to square one.”

  He fought the urge to take her into his arms and tell her he couldn’t bear to lose another person, especially her. Instead, he joined her by the window.

  “I have no doubt you’re a good cop, far better than most I’ve seen.”

  Her expression softened when he acknowledged her abilities as a police officer. “What is your deal, then?”

  What could he say? She wouldn’t let up until he gave her some sort of answer. He cleared his throat. “I care about you.”

  Her face became guarded.

  Maybe he’d misread her, because he thought she at least considered him a friend. “I don’t make friends easily or lightly. Since you’re one of the very few I have. . .” The only one I have.

  Her face relaxed, and she smiled, sending his heart sailing.

  “I only want you safe.”

  “Thank you.” Her voice sounded croaky. “For counting me as a friend. I feel the same about you. And thanks for acknowledging that I’m a good cop. That means more than you know and rarely happens around here.”

  “Don’t let it go to your head.” He smiled, hoping to lighten things up. The mood was getting far too sappy for his comfort.

  Sarge reentered the office, stopping just inside the doorway. His head tipped a tad to the side, and his gaze bounced from one to the other. “Things okay in here?”r />
  “Fine,” they both answered, sounding like kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

  Sarge raised his brows, nodded, and took his chair behind the desk. “This is the way we’ll play this out.” He began detailing the plan. Delanie and Eli returned to the chairs, both listening to their instructions. Eli still hated sending her in alone.

  “Delanie, if you want to head downstairs, they’ll get you wired and ready to roll. I’ll go over the building plans with Eli.”

  “Sure.” She headed out the door.

  “Something going on between you two?”

  Eli shook his head. Only in my heart.

  “The scene I walked in on looked pretty intimate.”

  “How? We were standing together by the window—nothing more.”

  “Maybe it was the rapturous expression on each of your faces, the air crackling with emotion, that misled me.”

  Eli’s heart took flight. Based on Sarge’s observations, maybe Delanie’s feelings ran deeper than she was willing to admit. . . .

  “So why do you object to her going in alone?” Sarge pressed.

  Eli rubbed the back of his neck, trying to work out a knot. “I don’t want to take any unnecessary risks—with her or with me.”

  “That’s your story?”

  “Yep.”

  “You know department policy. You two can’t work together and be involved. I’d have to transfer one of you to another unit.”

  Eli knew. He also knew he’d failed to convince Sarge, but other than unspoken attraction, nothing was going on between them.

  Sarge went over the blueprints with Eli, showing him where the two other cops would be. They’d all be connected to Delanie’s wire, just as Eli would. An officer had confirmed that the space across the hall was vacant, so they’d secured permission to use it. Eli needed to dress the part of a businessman in case he ran into anyone in the hall. “Don’t want to raise suspicions.”

  “Will you let Delanie know I ran home to change?”

  Sarge nodded.

  “Tell her I’ll meet her back here at noon.”

  ❧

  Joe had to leave for a lunch appointment, so Delanie waited in his empty office for Eli. All sorts of emotions swirled through her—excitement and anticipation over their assignment this afternoon, and tenderness over Eli’s declarations. For a moment she’d feared he was going to proclaim his love or something awful like that. If he did, she’d have to reject him, and hurting Eli would just kill her. Looking back, she knew that was a crazy notion. She did, however, feel blessed that he counted her among his friends.